You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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