How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
