seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
