I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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