i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I love you. Go after that dick
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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