Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
