Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
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This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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