I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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