Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
