Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
