i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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