And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
