I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
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According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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