So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
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I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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