I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
