Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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