did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
