i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
