and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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