My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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