You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
