I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
