what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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