I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
