So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
