Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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