Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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