OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
