I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
