I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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