Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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