Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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