Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
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I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
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I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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