Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
