Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize