we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
