As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
