i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
