The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
