Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
