He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
