Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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