Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize