i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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