Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
