this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
