I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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