Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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