There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
