If i come over, it means nothing
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
