I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
