last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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