After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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