Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
