you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
