Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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