My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
