she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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