If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
