Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
