I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
