im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
