Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
