I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
