ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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