No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
