Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
